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45 Ways to Affair-proof Your Marriage, Build a Hedge, and Guard Your Heart

A while back I posted Two Types of Adultery You Probably Didn’t Know About and mentioned that I would give some practical tips on how to stay free of adultery and keep your marriage affair-proof. I believe these are great, practical tips to use in your marriage to help you guard your heart against adultery, however, please remember that there are no rules and when the Holy Spirit says “stop, your crossing the line” we need to listen! A great idea would be to sit down with your husband/wife (if they are willing to listen) and talk about implementing some of these “hedges” for your own marriage together. Okay, so let’s get started.

  1. If you are attracted to another person besides your spouse, run. Squash all fluttery feelings immediately by fleeing. Don’t try to stay and resist the temptation, flee. (practical example: You’re in Walmart and run into an old crush or someone you think is cute. Don’t stick around and chat! Firstly, pray and ask God to help you and then find your husband/wife and choose a different isle to shop in.)

  2. Do not talk to your “ex.” Period. If you have to because of child visitation, etc….keep it short and only business.

  3. No alone time with opposite sex. Make sure you are always in a group setting or that there is at least three adults present (children do not work as a third person). No matter what, no exceptions!

  4. Do not share your heart, feelings, or concerns with opposite sex. Limit communication alone with the opposite sex and don’t talk about your personal lives. If you happen to run into a friend of the opposite sex while you are alone, just keep it short, general, and business.

  5. No flirting. Even jokes. Be careful because this can be very subtle.

  6. Do not give special attention to any one person of the opposite sex.

  7. Do not provide inappropriate emotional support. Be very weary of offering advice or trying to “fix” their problems/troubles, even “Christian” advice. This can be a trap. A member of the opposite sex could present their problems to you so that you will react with sympathy and “care” towards them which opens the door for emotional intimacy. Don’t fall for it!

  8. Do not go to places of temptation. This isn’t just bars and you will know which places are not good. For example, there might be a certain diner or business in your town to avoid because the people who work there are a temptation to you or you might just feel a general “yucky” feeling whenever you are around certain people. Pay attention to that. If you have to go to the establishment I advice always making sure your wife/husband go with you. This reduces the temptation drastically! (a great rule of thumb – take your spouse with you!)

  9. Marriage & family trump the job or other circumstance. This might be a hard pill to swallow for some of you but, to put it bluntly, it would be better for you to quit your job and save your marriage and family vs. keeping your job (money) and fall to adultery and lose your marriage & family because of a coworker who is a temptation or snare to you.

  10. Internet, emails, phones, texting, are all “out in the open” so you and your spouse can read each others. If your spouse is able to freely read your texts and emails it sets up a safety and establishes trust. Also, two eyes are better than one and your spouse can let you know if a message looks provocative in case you missed it. Copy an email or text to spouse if it feels off.

  11. If a conversation during a phone call feels yucky (what I mean by “yucky” is that you get the sense that the person on the phone is being flirty, provocative, or just acting “nicer” than is appropriate) go sit next to spouse, put on speaker phone, or let spouse handle it.

  12. No inappropriate shows or TV. Not even one second (and yes…it is worth it to change the channel over a 30-second commercial). Your eyes are the gate to your soul…don’t let the devil in to defile it or leave an opening for sexual sin.

  13. Spouse is priority over relatives and friends. Also, always ask your spouse if it’s okay before someone (relative or otherwise) will be doing an activity in the place of your spouse. (Example: You mother wants to drive you to your doctor’s appointment….ask your spouse first. It’s the honorable thing to do.)

  14. No driving with opposite sex alone.

  15. Do not discuss personal struggles with members of the opposite sex. (marriage, financial or otherwise) Certain situations would be appropriate for this such as discussing financial difficulties with a parent or a counseling session when your spouse is there with you and you both prayed about what you were going to say before hand.

  16. Limit eye contact. Can’t say this enough. There is something about staring at a person’s eyes that can literally be defiling and sexual.

  17. If any sexual sin has taken place, the spouse who sinned should repent to God before engaging in sex with their husband/wife.

  18. Dismiss bad thoughts by praying and thinking of spouse and kids.

  19. Pray before you go out/Pray for your spouse before they go out. You can ask the Lord to protect them from all temptations, evil, and attacks and cancel any assignments of the enemy in Jesus name.
  20. Don’t go out of your way to meet someone and if you are meeting opposite sex bring your spouse along. (For example, your female employee wants you to meet her at the local gas station so you can give her weekly check a little early. It might be a good idea to ask your spouse to come along or wait until the time better suits.)

  21. Be very careful about hugging or touching opposite sex. Physical contact (at any level) can be sexual and I believe you have to listen to the Holy Spirit on this one. Obviously, in most cases a handshake is fine. However, I think it’s wise to avoid hugging the opposite sex (unless it’s maybe your mom). Never by any means hug a member of the opposite sex chest to chest. Instead, a side hug is better but better avoided altogether. Gentle touching is also inappropriate when coming from the opposite sex. If this happens to your spouse and you see it, speak up! (For example, your at a restaurant and Mrs. Baker comes up to your table and gently slides her hands onto your husband’s shoulder as she’s talking to you both. Don’t be fooled by this….it is completely inappropriate. That is the time to speak up and say, “Mrs. Baker, why is your hand on my husband’s shoulder?” They will be shocked…but they will get the point. It’s inappropriate.

  22. Don’t counsel members of opposite sex alone. Men counsel men. Women counsel women. Or both husband and wife counsel together. Also, do not pray with a member of the opposite sex holding hands unless spouse is also holding their hand or at least touching you or them.

  23. If you see temptation flee like it is a contagious disease. Don’t play nice or try to half way compromise.

  24. Dress modestly. Don’t invite trouble. You can look attractive to your spouse when you are out in public with clothes on.

  25. Don’t invite forms of physical contact and keep hands to yourself.

  26. Don’t express admiration for physical characteristics & excessively praise the talents of members of the opposite sex. It is inappropriate.

  27. Don’t be friends or hang around anyone spouse is uncomfortable with. There is most-likely a reason they are uncomfortable.

  28. Keep a distance from opposite sex and stay out of their bubble.

  29. If going anywhere, tell your spouse where you are going. This promotes trust. When you return tell spouse what you did. Try to go everywhere together as much as possible. Having your spouse present drastically helps if you are presented with a temptation.

  30. Warn each other when there is a threat. If you are around an individual that you think is “coming on” to your spouse…even in a subtle way, let them know you are concerned. Trust each other’s instincts! You are a team.

  31. Consider your spouse and always keep them in mind. How would they feel about it?

  32. Wear your wedding ring and use it as a reminder. This also sends a message that you are faithful and is symbolic to your spouse of your commitment. It’s important…don’t blow it off. If your wedding ring doesn’t fit, buy a temporary replacement (it doesn’t matter how cheap, just get it on your finger!)

  33. Limit time spent apart from your spouse. Go places together.

  34. Confess sexual temptation to each other right away. If you think you have stumbled, immediately repent to God. This builds trust with your spouse and stops the devil from working. The devil works in darkness, so if you try to hide stuff or not mention it then you aren’t doing yourself any favors. Bring everything into the light as soon as possible.

  35. Include your spouse in conversations if they become awkward.

  36. Realize when you are alone without spouse it can be a danger zone.

37. Guys, don’t try to impress other women with your skills, talents, business, intellect, status, or looks. This is definitely crossing the line into sexual sin because your are attempting to gain the affection or respect of another woman. And I’m also talking about subtile actions too. For example, slightly puffing out your chest or trying to show off how good you are at your job. Get your affection from your wife and her only.

38. Don’t compare. If you compare other women/men to your spouse you are asking for sin. Realize that you’ve never seen that other person at their worst and although they seem nice or look good now, the grass is not greener on the other side. Looks are not everything. Don’t be shallow or a fool! “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30

39. Pray. Without ceasing….for goodness sakes.

40. Don’t make your spouse the butt of jokes. Ever. It’s disrespectful. Ladies, if you want your man to start looking to other women to get respect because he isn’t getting it from you then go ahead and make your husband the butt of jokes. Otherwise, you might want to zip the lip.

41. Spend lot’s of time with Jesus and secondly, family.

42. Establish your own boundaries together as a couple.

43. Make efforts to stay fit and attractive to spouse. It honors them and keeps you healthy and feeling good about yourself (ladies…this especially honors your husband when you make an effort to look nice and stay healthy).

44. Don’t think you are “above” the sin. (pride comes before a fall).

45. The bottom line: Listen to the Holy Spirit and your “gut” feeling. If it feels “icky” don’t do it and don’t “go there.” You can ask the Lord for his wisdom, knowledge, and understanding and to give you the grace and mercy not to agree with the evil.

Also, Here are some red flags that might help you know when a member of the opposite sex is acting inappropriately towards you or is a temptation:

  1. The person who makes off-color remarks.

  2. If the person flatters you (examples: “oh you are so good at _____,” or “wow, that is really cool that you do _____.” or is very respectful to you. (Addressing you as “Mr.” etc.) Guys, be very careful about a woman who flatters you or makes you feel like “the man.” Also, even if a woman simply smiles at you or makes you think she likes you in any way it can be a snare so be very careful not to let that in your heart.

  3. The person disrespects your space and boundaries, even after you have told them not to.

  4. The person starts talking bad about their significant other to you.

  5. Watch out for “big brother/big sister” types. People who are not your real brother or sister but you “grew up together.” These people can slip off the radar because you think of them as a brother or sister but there could be hidden infatuations there that you are not aware of. Also, watch out for friends who try to bring doubts about your relationship with your spouse and don’t entertain their seeds of doubt.

  6. Men, watch out for the “damsel in distress” or women who always need your help with something. They don’t need your help…it’s a trap!

  7. And lastly, be very cautious if you are attracted to their talents, status, personality, or looks. If you think they might cause you to stumble, my best advice is to pray and ask the Lord to help you do the right thing and then FLEE!!!!

I hope this list helps you as you make your marriage journey. Please pray about each tip and customize according to how the Lord instructs you. I truly believe that one of the most important things you can do in your marriage is to pray with your spouse daily and set a guard over your heart. Not only will you be doing it to the honor of the Lord, but also for your own good and for the good of your spouse and children. In Jeremiah 17:9 the Bible says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” and in Proverbs 4:23 it says to “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Guarding our hearts is necessary if we want to walk in God’s ways and stay free from evil. Will you make the commitment today?

Why Homeschooling Is Worth It - Should I Homeschool


The Firm Foundation

We all come from different backgrounds. We have different jobs; homemaker, office-worker, nurse, teacher, house cleaner, retail associate, waitress, and the list goes on. Our jobs may vary but we all have one thing in common: we are all mommies.

Being Christian mothers, we can have a desire within us to want the very best for our children, especially during their upbringing because we know that these years set the foundation for their life as adults. What children learn from birth through their adolescent years can greatly effect what they believe and what they think is right and wrong. We know that children and teens can easily pick up behaviors and habits from the people around them during this time. It is during this time, and I hope we can agree, that they should receive what matters most: instructions and truth straight from the Word of God on a daily basis. Having a firm foundation is important. By establishing the foundation of truth in the mind of your child and teenager while they are young is necessary so that, when they are adults, they can repress the oh-so-numerous lies that the world throws at them, have a deeper relationship with God, and walk in His purpose for their lives.

The firm foundation that they need is the The Word of God, Jesus Christ.

My Story: Part I

As a child, I first entered my schooling years being taught by my mother. As my brother and I got older and our homeschool venture continued, teaching methods changed from being taught one-on-one to using a video-taught system to finally completing all of seventh and eighth grade on the computer.

As a child I was instructed to memorize scripture while “hiding” God’s Word in my heart. Knowledge was taught from a Biblical perspective and instead of learning about the “big bang” we were taught that God created the world. Instead of learning that we all evolved from monkeys I was taught that God made me and that He loved me enough to sent his Son to die on my behalf. The truth of Scripture was interwoven within the subjects I was taught (Science, literature, history, etc.).

As we neared the ninth grade and our parents experienced a rough divorce, my brother and I found ourselves enrolled in the public school. Life in the public school was not the same.  In contrast to the influences we received growing up of hearing scripture and experiencing curriculum written from a Godly perspective, we found ourselves bombarded by “normal” life in the public school.

Worth the Workload?

Believe it or not, there are several amazing perks to be considered in the world of homeschooling. By homeschooling you are able to create your own schedule, maximize time and effiency, feel free to travel without restrictions, choose your own field trips and curriculum, and enable your children to have a better-than-average education. TIME magazine reported that home schoolers have scored nearly 40 points higher on standardized tests and are 10% more likely to graduate from college.

Perks like these might make you consider homeschooling for a few seconds but I have found that, for a lot of moms, the hardships of staying home with the kids seemingly outweighed the perks and benefits of homeschooling in their minds. There are always reasons: “the kids don’t want to” or “they wouldn’t like it.” “We don’t make enough money” or “I work a job.” “I don’t have that much patience to stay home all day with my kids,” or “I don’t feel like I am capable of being a teacher.” I get it. Kids are hard work no matter how much you love them. It would be somewhat of an understatement just to say that homeschooling is a sacrifice. Let’s try huge sacrifice. However, I can’t avoid the question that keeps coming up in my mind…“aren’t the kids worth it?”

My Story: Part II

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” – Matthew 7:6

My experience in public school was interesting. I would like to give you just a glimpse of my time there. In the very first week of high school my language teacher described how to put on a condom. This same teacher was involved in witchcraft and introduced it to us during time spent in class. During my freshman year I hid in the bathrooms during lunch break because I feared that others would see me without friends. The pressures of being accepted were overwhelming. Whether or not you were part of a social clique seemed to silently determine your worth as a person. Perverseness among peers was not uncommon. I remember listening as my homecoming date explained that sluts wore short dresses to homecoming, insinuating his expectations for me to do so. We were taught about evolution and “billions of years” in Science class, contradicting the Bible, and there wasn’t any mention of God. One day I overheard one of my teachers talking about partying with my classmates during off hours. Pressures to drink and do drugs were intense and if you did not join in the “party scene” you just simply weren’t popular. In addition, there was a time when my high school gym teacher touched me inappropriately during class. Being young and inexperienced, I didn’t know what to do and so I did nothing and told no one. I’ll go ahead and save you a little time and not go into detail about the times I was bullied, the discussions I had with high school friends about their sex lives, or about the many times I compromised my values, faith, and own dignity with the influence of my peers. Living in this environment for four years was like living in prison for me. The high school I attended is probably considered one of the nicer schools around, a small country school which was recently awarded the National Blue Ribbon Award as an “exemplary high performing school.”  The only image of godliness that stands out in my mind during my four long years of public high school was seeing my fellow classmate reading his Bible alone in the library one day. I remember being amazed at his courage to do so.

Throughout all four years of high school I was an A-B student, participated in sports, and was an Honors graduate. I was a Christian, but as my high school years progressed I found myself acting less and less “Christian” and the morals that I was taught when I was younger no longer seemed important anymore. The environment I was in screamed even louder, “This is normal. Drinking is normal. Drugs are normal. Sex before marriage is normal. Bullying and hatred and slander are normal.” Sadly, all of these pressures grinded me down and I turned to drugs and alcohol to gain popularity and acceptance among my peers. There were several times that I found myself in very bad situations that could have cost me my life.

In college, while working on receiving my bachelor’s degree in Art Education, I spent time in the public schools as both a substitute teacher and student teacher. As a substitute/student teacher I witness increased disrespect from students and a real lack of a dress code. I remember watching as a girl attended high school with a skirt so short her bottom was exposed. During one of my most recent substituting experiences I was instructed to show a slideshow to a middle school class which included images of bondage (BDSM) attire and other grotesque images such as severed heads and blood. I cut the slideshow short it was so dark but technically I was required to show it.

My intentions are not to bash anyone, but I do want to give you some idea of the realities kids go through when parents send them to public school. I want you to know that these types of things really do happen while you are not present. Although it may seem like my goal is to “paint” an ugly picture of the public schools, these are honest accounts of my very real experiences in high school without exaggeration. However, the more important point I want to make is not about all of the negative influences the kids are getting but what they are missing by attending the public schools.

Trading Truth for Lies

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” – Proverbs 1:7

You might ask, “what really then are the students missing out on by going to public school?” The answer is simple; they are missing Godly teaching, the truth, encouragement in Christ from their teachers and peers, and the Word of God (Jesus Christ). I do believe there are many well-meaning and good teachers and staff in the public school system that are helping students to cope and who are also excellent teachers and administrators, however, I cannot ignore the fact that these same individuals are simply not allowed to speak about God or endorse the Bible in any way without the threat of being fired from their jobs. Even if students in the public school weren’t being bombarded with a godless atmosphere, they still aren’t receiving biblical truths. You might think that the hour they get in Sunday school each week or the occasional mention of God in between soccer practice, homework, and dinner every other day will counteract the 7 hours per day, 35 hours a week, 1,260 hours per year, and 16,380 hours spent during their entire time in public school but, the simple fact is, children who attend public school spend the majority of their time away from their parents being taught doctrine contrary to the Bible, in an environment that is brutally hostile to a person wanting to follow Jesus. I also want to remind you that you just can’t get that time back with your kids once it’s gone. Likewise, a combination of lack of truth and bad influences don’t equal good footings.

“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” – 1 Corinthians 15:33

New England Primer

[Above image: An excerpt from "The New-England Primer," originally published in 1777.]

We can gain some understanding of just how far the public schools have strayed from the original heart of American education by taking a look at the very first textbook used in America, The New-England Primer. The New-England Primer was first introduced in 1690 and was the beginning textbook for students in America in all types of schools (public, private, home, etc.) and continued to be a fundamental text used for many years (there was a 1930′s edition). If you read through the primer you will find that almost every single page references God in some way whether by scripture, praises, hymns, or stories about Christian martyrs. In the second page of the book is written “A Divine Song of Praise to GOD, for a Child” and the alphabet letters are displayed with scriptures. Out of the 238 years that America has existed, only in the past 50-some years have we not been allowed to pray or read the Bible in the public school system. When I think of how the Bible instructs us to raise our children in the fear of the Lord, I can’t help but find a conflict when it comes to the idea of sending kids to the current public schools. If God and His Word isn’t being taught in the public schools anymore, what is? And if we, the American society, have “disallowed” God in the public schools, who exactly are we inviting in? Could it be that the problems we face in America today (rampant immorality, violence, murder of the innocent, increased sexual sin, and unbelief) is due to a Godless education system where children and adolescents never had the opportunity to grow up learning the truth or right from wrong and therefore never had a strong spiritual foundation?

A sad fact, but the public schools have taken the true foundation and rock, Jesus Christ, out from under it’s structure making it an unstable institution. We can choose to ignore that the public schools have “taken God out of” the picture but the thoughts of the kids are this: “My mom and dad send me here so I guess they think the values that are allowed or go on in this place are okay.”

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.” – Matthew 7:24-27

Asking God For His Plan for Your Family

As time moves on, and we find ourselves in the year 2016, the realization of how wicked the world currently is can really sink in for us Christian mothers.  In us is a natural instinct to protect our children physically and mentally but what about the spiritual protection? A lot of people argue that children are being a “light” in the public school to others but I like this quote from one of our local non-profit Christian schools. It says, “The best preparation for effective service is to be well grounded in one’s mind before direct engagement of the world.” To me, the very best possible way to give our children and young adults a Biblical head start in this world is to teach them at home where they have time to be nurtured in a safe environment, encouraged to have a relationship with the Lord, and also given a chance to get a grasp of who they are without the bullying and condemnation that often comes from other peers in a public classroom setting.

“What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?” – 2 Corinthians 6:15

“Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.” – 2 Corinthians 6:17

Even though staying home with the kids and fostering a learning environment is hard work, when you think about it, we only have our children at home for a glimpse of time in the grand scheme of things. Think about all of the little moments you might miss in the lives of your children if you choose to send them away for eight hours a day for the next eighteen years of their lives. That little smile. Her innocent laugh. Your little boy as he learns about bugs under a magnifying glass for the first time. Times of tears when they’ve had an emotional day or scraped a knee. Times of growing and young adulthood where the decision making becomes harder and they need your mothering advice. When your little girl hugs you and calls you “mommy.” When you and the kids have a blast completing a chore list as fast as you can or when your little one blushes and smiles after you praise their accomplishments. All of these moments are bonding moments. As mommies, we are given these opportunities to soak up and treasure for years to come. Yet, I seem to find many instances where these moments are thrown away for a job that could be worked later in life or because there are wants and desires that override these. Instead, the public school teachers get to enjoy these moments and often, instead of being treasured, they are tossed to the wayside leaving the child feeling worthless and confused.

The question I am asking today is, are we putting our wants and desires above their needs? It is true that they need us. They need us to teach them the Word of God daily, to be their protector, to encourage them to do their best, to remind them that they are special in God’s eyes, to foster confidence and to spend time with them, lavishing our attention and affections on them while they are still at home. What a wonderful opportunity and blessing. When we have our time invested in other priorities there is little to no time for these nuggets of gold.

The Bible instructs us:

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

– Deuteronomy 6:6-9

I encourage you to pray and seek the Lord’s direction if you think He may be leading you to homeschool your children. I am not saying that homeschooling is God’s will for everyone (of course, whatever God says goes!), however, I do want to encourage mothers out there who may be feeling the “tug” of the Holy Spirit to honestly seek the Lord for His direction in this area if they haven’t already. I believe that if it is His will for you to stay home and teach that He will work the rest of the details out. Our job isn’t to worry about how to pay the bills. Our job is to obey the Lord and then trust Him in that decision. Yes, homeschooling can be tough, but there is huge potential for unforgettable and fun times packed within those years. You may have to make a sacrifice, but the question you can only answer for yourself is “is homeschooling worth it for my kids?” You’d better believe it!

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“IndoctriNation” DVD Giveaway

I am giving away one copy of the “IndoctriNation” DVD – a must see for anyone considering homeschooling or wanting to be informed about the current state of the public schools. Enter by sharing this article on social media or with a friend and then leaving a comment below letting me know you shared it.”

IndoctriNation Homeschool Public School God Why Homeschooling is Worth It For Your Family Considering Homeschooling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Winners to be announced March 31st, 2017

 

 

I decided to start sharing some teacher resources that I have made on the blog periodically. I know how much time I can spend scouring the web for worksheets or clipart and I thought the teachers out there could benefit from the things I’ve produced. Today I’m giving away for free some clipart I’ve made for Valentine’s Day, a cute mailbox and letters with hearts, and also a January/winter themed number ten (10) writing worksheet with snowflakes, and some colorful jelly bean clipart you can cut out & laminate for games. Please enjoy!!! ❤️️❤️️❤️️

“He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

free valentine mailbox clipart printable teacher preschool kindergartenClick to Download Free Valentine Mailbox & Letter Clipart

Free Writing Number 10 Ten Worksheet Printable Teacher Preschool Kindergarten January Winter ThemeClick to Download Free Winter Number 10 Ten Writing Worksheet

free jelly beans colored printable teacher clipart games preschool kindergarten

Click to Download Free Jelly Bean Clipart for Preschool, etc.

 

 

Wrongwaysign-2

Everyone knows the obvious (physical adultery) which is clearly when one man or woman has chosen to physically touch another person who is not their husband or wife in a sexual way. However, there are two more subtle and sneaky ways the devil tries to deceive a husband or wife into crossing the line into adultery. Are you aware of what they are?

1. Emotional Adultery

“The mouth of strange women is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the Lord shall fall therein.” – Proverbs 22:14 

Emotional adultery occurs when one person shares their personal thoughts, feelings, and emotions with another person other than their husband or wife. This can be deceiving because a person can think they aren’t being unfaithful as long as they don’t touch the other person, however, emotional adultery is crossing the line into sin just as physical adultery does and can cause extremely serious problems in your relationship with your spouse and lead into physical adultery if not stopped.

Here are some examples of emotional adultery:

- When a conversation becomes about personal topics instead of just business with a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse

- Discussing your marriage issues and problems with a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse

- Discussing your sex life or experiences to a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse

- When you feel attracted to a person’s personality or looks who is not your spouse and you don’t guard your heart

- Having a friend of the opposite sex that you talk to or hang out with without your spouse

- Anytime you have “chemistry” or unspoken attraction to the opposite sex who is not your spouse and you do not attempt to escape the situation (remove yourself from their presence)

- When you provide inappropriate emotional support or comfort for a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse (even if they claim they really need your help or that they are struggling with something). Also, if you receive inappropriate emotional support and comfort from a member of the opposite sex that is not your spouse.

2. Visual Adultery

“Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28

Visual adultery is exactly what it sounds like; committing adultery with your eyes. Again, visual adultery can be deceiving as well since a person can think that as long as they aren’t physically touching someone other than their spouse that they are not being unfaithful. Jesus proved this wrong when he said that if you just look with lust you have committed adultery in your heart. I would define looking with lust as anytime you look at someone or someone’s body because you think they look good or might look good. This would be opposed the normal routine of just noticing a person. You can notice a person has red hair, or is tall, has broad shoulders, etc., however, lusting is different than noticing. Lusting is when you intentionally direct your eyes towards a person or their body because it looks good.

When you look with lust you look at a person as if they are an object and not a person with a personality and soul. Instead, you receive a little bit of sexual gratification from the glance. It’s just a small amount of pleasure you receive when you look so, because of that, it doesn’t make you feel that guilty and makes it easier to do again. This can open the door for a spirit of addiction as well because that little “feel good” moment you got from looking is so seemingly innocent and easy to accomplish that it becomes very easy to do and you can easily slip into being addicted to looking at people other than your spouse in lust.

“I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” – Job 31:1

“For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adultress will hunt for the precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.” – Proverbs 6:23-29

3. The Scope and Consequences

It is a fact that what the world thinks is wrong and right is not necessarily what God thinks is wrong or right. God’s standards are much higher. For example, the world says that as long as you don’t cross “third base” you haven’t sinned, however, when I was engaged to my husband the Lord let us know we were being too physical even with our hugs and that we needed to back off of each other and remain pure until we said “I do.” There are a great deal of people in the world today who would think that is being too strict or religious but, the simple fact is, God lays his laws on our hearts and when we sense the prompting of the Holy Spirit that says “don’t go there, you’re crossing the line” then we need to listen or we could suffer the consequences of sin.

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.” – Proverbs 21:2

“For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:” – Hebrews 8:10

You might think you can get a away with indulging in a little “fun” sin for a while, but let me remind you that the cost is very, very high even just for a “little” sin. Each time and specific instance you commit adultery physically, emotionally, or visually you are inviting the enemy, Satan, and his demons into your life, your marriage and your home. Since you’ve given right to the enemy to come in, he can then work in your mind, your thoughts, and your actions to drive you further away from your spouse because Satan’s objective is to destroy family and your marriage. Unhealthy soul ties could be created when you choose to lust after another person which could make it difficult to break free from the sin, needing God’s intervention to sever the tie. The pleasure of looking in lust, entertaining the idea of someone else, or having a “crush” on someone other than your spouse can be “fun” for a moment, but realize what you are signing up for when you do it. You could not only lose your wife/husband, your family, not be able to see your children anymore, pay hefty child support fines for a great deal of your life, be distant from your spouse and unsatisfied with them, bring strife and stress to your marriage and home, be a bad example to other believers & send the message to others that you aren’t serious about following Jesus, but you would also be guilty before God and that is a scary thing.

“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” – Hebrews 13:4

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.” – Proverbs 6:32-33

“For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.” – Proverbs 5:3-5

So, what should you do? The Bible’s instructions are clear. Guard your heart and flee from evil. When you feel that hint of attraction it’s time to flee. Get out of the situation as soon as you can because anything less is agreement with the adultery (stay tuned for more tips on guarding your heart later in a later post).

“A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished.” – Proverbs 27:12

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” – John 10:10

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” – Proverbs 4:23

Clearly, the cost of committing adultery in any form is high. You have decide for yourself if it is worth it. One major pitfall is thinking you are “above” the sin and won’t do it. The Bible makes it clear in 1 Corinthians 10:12: “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18

So, what agreements come to mind that you have made with the enemy? You can ask forgiveness from God today and turn away from sin. Don’t let the enemy in….it’s just not worth the momentary pleasure!

As I explained in my earlier post, we decided to make a fun history oriented vacation this year to historic Jamestown and Williamsburg, Virginia. Even though it was a very hot day when we came it was interesting to see all of the old buildings, most of which are the original buildings, and it was neat to see the horse drawn carriages riding through the streets.

Historic Jamestown & Williamsburg Virginia Fuji 400 Family VacationHistoric Jamestown & Williamsburg Virginia Fuji 400 Family VacationHistoric Jamestown & Williamsburg Virginia Fuji 400 Family Vacation

At Williamsburg you can buy a day pass or something similar to a half-day pass which gets you into a select number of buildings and tours. For lunch there is a fancier (and more pricey) Tavern where you can sit down and eat at and also a smaller cafe (where we ate) which offered different options like deli sandwiches, fruit, cold drinks, and bakery items such as cookies and slices of pie. They have a nice little area where you can sit in the cool shade and eat which is nice.

Historic Jamestown & Williamsburg Virginia Fuji 400 Family VacationRichard Photo Lab Edited-23Historic Jamestown & Williamsburg Virginia Fuji 400 Family Vacation

If you have small kids I definitely recommend bringing a stroller and several water bottles if it is a hot day because you can expect to do some good walking. They have bathrooms scattered throughout the town which I found were clean and nice to use (I’m glad they weren’t historic bathrooms!). One downside to using a stroller is that they aren’t allowed in the historic buildings. We solved this problem by taking turns doing the tours. Overall, we enjoyed our time at Williamsburg perusing the streets and getting, let’s just say, more than a taste of sunshine that was well worth it!

Historic Jamestown & Williamsburg Virginia Fuji 400 Family VacationHistoric Jamestown & Williamsburg Virginia Fuji 400 Family Vacation