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Thoughts on Selfies and Motives

You’ve seen them posted all over Facebook and Instagram, maybe there’s even a few on your own phone; the selfie is the modern thing. But does anyone ever stop and consider their motive for posting a selfie? You do your makeup on Saturday morning and put on your best top and take a glance in the mirror and “wow!” You look fantastic today so you whip out your trusty phone and snap a few selfies so you can post them to Facebook later. Now-a-days it seems like everybody is doing it. Single women, married women, and even the males join in. But what exactly is your reason for showing the world your picture? Have you ever thought about what motive lies behind the selfie…have you ever questioned your motives for posting what you do?

For starters, there may not neccessarily be anything wrong with taking a picture of yourself other than maybe vanity or self conceit if God convicts you. You look good today and feel good so you take a picture. What I want to talk about is what you do with the picture once you’ve taken it. Now, there is definitely a difference between the types of pictures you can take. Right? You know this. First, there’s the puckered lips, seductive eyelashes, “look at me” type picture. Then, there’s the “hey, I’m hanging with my friends but I’m posting this because I look sexy in this picture!” There is the innocent, no-intentions, “here I am, this is me…I am a person made by God and my name is… (insert name here)” picture. Then there’s the “I just rolled outta bed and look like a sack of potatoes picture” that you don’t want any living creature to ever lay eyes on. What your picture looks like can help determine your motive and whether or not it is pure and holy in God’s eyes. Let me give you an example of these different types of selfies with my quickly drawn illustrations!

Thoughts on Selfies and Motives

One great way you can tell if your picture is off base is to ask yourself some of these simple questions. Is my picture about sex? Is it sexual in any way? Does it draw attention to me because I look sexy? Am I trying to gain attention because I look good in this picture? If you can honestly answer any of these questions with a yes, you might want to re-think posting your selfie online for everyone to see. As Christians, we are called to walk in spiritual purity whether we are married or single. And don’t be fooled. God knows your heart. Some people are very good at subtly drawing attention to themselves sexually with the selfies they post without looking blatantly like a hooker. God will know the intentions of your heart and it takes a woman who is determined to follow Jesus to do the right thing no matter what the cost.

You can also consider that your flippant decision to post a sexy picture of yourself online doesn’t just effect you but also other people too. Single guys, married men, and even young boys are online…on Facebook and other social media sites and can view your picture. You can ask yourself some deep questions such as, “will this help my brother in Christ maintain purity before the Lord?” and “Am I encouraging the men (married, single, or youth) who see my Facebook selfie to look at me with lust?” Also, “what does God think about me posting this picture?” You can consider the spiritual or physical consequences that you could bear for your agreement with sexual sin. In case you were wondering what the sexual sin might be, it is perhaps that you are seeking to gain attention for your looks (with the body God gave you that is intended to be kept holy and pure and showing it off before the public in a way that emphasizes the sexual). The body that God gave you is something that should purely be given to or appreciated by only your husband or future husband.

Now, don’t get me wrong. You are a sexual being. God created you that way and there is nothing wrong about it. However, what you have to offer sexually was meant for your husband and him alone. Let’s look at some things that God gave to women that they can offer sexually to a man:

1. Physical sex (obviously)

2. Emotional sex (being close emotionally to a man)

3. Physical touching (hands on shoulders, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. Even subtle touches can be sexual)

4. Sexy glances (when you look at a man like you want to jump on him, give him a seductive look, or you smile like you like him)

5. Flirting

6.  Sexual images (this can include wearing clothes that show more skin, are tight, sexy, or not wearing clothes at all. Also, wearing makeup or jewelry that overly emphasizes sexuality. Or photos of yourself that are sensual/sexual in some way, even if they subtly draw attention to yourself sexually)

All of the above things are good things God gave you that are intended for your husband! They are God’s gift for you and your husband to enjoy. These things are meant for our own husband only, however, and not the rest of the world. Not the cute guy at work. Not the cute guy at school. Not your friend’s husband. Not the boys online. Neither are most of these for the guy you are dating who is not yet your husband. They are for your husband only (or future husband for those of you who are single). When we start crossing the line because we are so attention-hungry that we throw what was intended for our husbands out there to whoever we want whenever we want, then we are defiling ourselves spiritually. We are walking in sexual sin if we do this and God takes this very seriously.

Us women need to know how to keep our bodies in honor, holiness, and dignity instead of throwing what is precious to just anybody who will notice for the sake of getting a little attention. There are plenty of filthy creepers out there lurking around on the internet (who may or may not be someone you know) who would love to get a taste of what you have to offer sexually, and that includes any images you are willing to hand out that are provocative, sexy, or draw attention to your body, or even just your face, in the wrong sort of way. I want to encourage you to not treat yourself like a piece of trash. You can keep your body with honor in purity for the Lord. Know that any man willing to look at your body, or anyone else’s body, as an object of lust is not worthy to call himself your friend, much less a lover. Don’t sell yourself to men with no morals for a little attention!

“That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;” – 1 Thessalonians 4:4 

“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.” – Matthew 7:6

Pure Thoughts on Selfies and Motives Sexual Sin Crossing Bounderies

It’s funny, because, just as I was posting this article this morning my child, who was eating cereal, asked me what “pure” meant. I was delighted to hear that they were so interested in the definition of pure at a young age and started to explain what purity was when they interrupted and said “no, no, mom! the pure on this!” and they pointed to a small black pepper shaker that said “Pure Ground Black Pepper.” I laughed and explained but it made me think about the definition of pure. The definition of “pure” on the pepper meant that the only thing in the bottle was pepper. It wasn’t contaminated with anything else. If I had found a few grains of salt in my pepper, I could no longer call it “pure.” In the same way, we should not be contaminated with any sin. We are meant to be pure. I looked up the dictionaries definition of “pure” and it said “wholesome and untainted by immorality, especially that of a sexual nature.” God calls us to be pure, not contaminated in any way. Not even a speck.

In the Bible, Job considered thinking upon a “maid” as sin. He even made a covenant with his eyes to not look at a woman..and I believe he meant he made a promise to himself to not ever look at a woman for her sexual attractiveness. He made a covenant not to lust. How does a person lust after a woman? With his eyes and his heart. Jesus said, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) Do you think that God will hold you guiltless if he considers a man who looks in lust to commit adultery and you have been the woman who encouraged that man to do so?

“I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid? For what portion of God is there from above? and what inheritance of the Almighty from on high? Is not destruction to the wicked? and a strange punishment to the workers of iniquity? Doth not he see my ways, and count all my steps?” – Job 31:1-4

Obviously, to God, this is a serious thing. And if God thinks it’s serious, then we as daughters of the King should be taking it seriously too.

So, I want to encourage you to walk in purity. Save those sexy selfies for your hubby. Let him (your husband) and him only reap the benefits of your beautiful sexual appeal and not the general public. What you have is something special. Treat it like so. Ask yourself the above questions before you post every picture. Ask God to help you discern whether or not that photo you are about to post online is innocent with no wrong intentions or if it crosses sexual boundaries. In one way, posting sexy selfies is actually like spiritually indulging in the pornography business. Giving sexual images away in return for payment. The payment you get is attention. Join me in taking a stand against sexual immorality and choosing not to participate in the popular culture “selfie” movement. I know it’s hard and you have to make a sacrifice (you won’t have as many hearts, likes, or comments on your profile) but at least you will be in the will of God walking in His ways and in purity…which is the best place you could ever be! 🙂

12 Tips for Moms with A Newborn Babt

Not everybody gets the 101 when they have their first baby. Advice from moms who’ve done it before can be very helpful and save a lot of time, stress, and worry but if you don’t have an active mother figure in your life to give you advice, this can put you at a disadvantage. When I had my first child, I wasn’t exactly informed on what to do so I had to learn a lot on my own. Now I’m here writing this for any new momma’s (or even experienced momma’s…there is always more to learn!) who might be expected a new little blessing and would like to hear some tips I have learned along the way that helped make life much less stressful for me.

I’ll start off by saying that the most crucial part of having a newborn is the first few weeks and, secondly, the first three months. During the first few weeks I believe many mothers struggle with utter exhaustion which is not exactly ideal while trying to take care of your new little one and keep them safe. Exhaustion usually comes from the often intense labor that the mother just went through which can result in hours of no sleep. If you didn’t lose much sleep during your labor, you can know that most mothers will often lose this sleep later simply because of the sleep pattern of the baby. Either way, exhaustion can be a problem so I address ways to help you overcome this and still take care of your little one safely in many of the tips below. I hope you can use some of these tips I have learned to help you in your new exciting adventure!

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Tip #1. Take your mattress off your bed frame and put it on the floor

Some of the best advice I ever received from someone was to take my mattress off my bed frame and put it on the floor. This relieved a huge amount of worry and stress about whether or not the baby would ever fall off the bed. I didn’t have to worry so much about them falling off any longer, since the drop was only about 8 inches to a soft carpet below.  Of course, you still need to keep them from falling off a mattress lying on the floor, but if they do, it is not near as big of a deal as it would be if they fell four feet to the ground. Once the mattress was on the floor, if I wanted to put my baby on the bed for a little while it was not so worrisome. With no bed frame and only a soft, low-to-the-ground mattress, you’re worries are much more relieved with little ones around!

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Tip #2. Get a wide recliner

I recently bought a wide, soft, recliner about two years ago which was AMAZING for me to say the least. In the first week of having my first baby I found myself up, as most new mother’s do, at night breastfeeding for long hours in a rigid wooden rocking chair. Being totally exhausted from losing so much sleep during labor, I realized that if I accidentally fell asleep while breastfeeding, the baby was not resting on a soft, wide, pillowed arm rest (which is on my recliner) but only on my arm which was only supported by a slim wooden arm rest. To prevent the situation of ever dropping the baby, I bought the recliner which almost guaranteed that the baby would rest safely against a soft cushion in such cases. Buying a recliner also encouraged me to avoid the temptation of lying in bed and breastfeed since the wooden chair was uncomfortable and made the soft bed look very appealing. With the recliner, I was more apt to make myself sit in the recliner and breastfeed until the baby was asleep and I could put the baby in the crib.

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Tip #3. Set an alarm 

The name of the game is to breastfeed in a chair or recliner and stay awake until the baby goes asleep so you can put them in their crib for a safer sleeping place. However, when you’re exhausted from lost sleep, this can be a toughy. If you have a phone or alarm, you can set the alarm for 30-45 minutes (or however long your infant usually breastfeeds) so that, if you do happen to fall asleep, it will wake you back up so you can put the baby in the crib!

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Tip #4. Ask your hubby to help

This is a big one but may not work for everyone. It depends on your husband and his spiritual state. I advice that, about 2-4 weeks before your due date, you approach your husband and ask him nicely for his help once the baby arrives. Doing this right before the baby arrives keeps it fresh in his mind. Letting him know you would like and expect his help with the baby (specifically helping you take some naps so you can retain some level of sanity) will help him be clear on what your expectations are before the baby arrives. Waiting until the day you have the baby or three weeks later when you are fighting mad because you had no sleep and he didn’t help is too late to inform your husband you need his help! Do this before you have the baby and do it nicely. Not with a scolding finger. You are asking for his help, be kind. Now, putting your man in sole charge of the baby I do not recommend. Men are not necessarily hardwired for this. This is your job. But…your man can certainly help you get some 1-2 hour naps here and there by keeping an eye on the sleeping infant and other children you might have while you try to catch some shut-eye. Your husband can also help keep you awake while you breastfeed by chatting or keeping you company. Or, perhaps he can help do the dishes or a few extra chores that you normally do so you can get some rest. Remember, the goal is for you to catch up on that lost sleep as quick as possible. The more rested you are, the more able you are to think clearly, take care of the baby better, and not totally snap! (some of us turn into green monsters when we have no sleep…its true!)

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Tip #5. Buy Lanolin

If you are breastfeeding, which I recommend you do (it is so good and best for baby), you most likely will have sore nipples for at least 2 weeks after having the baby. This is normal but, have hope, the soreness and even extreme(!) pain will go away and your nipples will not hurt anymore after a few weeks, even when the baby breastfeeds. Keeping this fact in mind can help you persevere until that moment when the pain subsides. There are purple tubes of a vaseline-like solution that they sell at most Walmarts called Lanolin. Put the Lanolin on your nipples as often as you can and it will help keep them from feeling so sore and it will likely relieve a lot of pain.

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Tip #6. Buy a small baby bath with a sling and keep it on the ground

When bathing the baby you want them to have a soft place to rest. Buying a nice tub with a sling has been a great option for me. As the lady at the hospital advised to me and the other patients, make sure you keep the tub on the floor and not on a table or other higher surface. The lady told us a story of how her grand baby fell to the floor (since she had set the tub on a table) while she was picking up something she had dropped off the floor. So, keep the smaller baby tub on the floor or on the floor of the tub while you bath. Use a small squirt bottle filled with lukewarm water to get the baby wet and use your soap accordingly.

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Tip #7. Get a shower head with a nozzle

Buying one of those shower heads with a long hose has made life so much easier when bathing babies (particularly you use this once the baby gets a little bigger). As long as you’re careful to not let it fall on the baby in any way, these are great because you can move the water supply wherever you want.

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Tip #8. Chew gum

Once, again…the name of the game is to stay awake until your baby falls asleep and you can move the baby to its crib! Chewing gum has been known to stimulate your senses and keep you awake. This is why truck drivers use it to stay awake. Buy yourself some bulk packs of gum…and chew away while breastfeeding!

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Tip #9. Drink “Mother’s Milk” tea

If you are worried about your breastmilk production (which I find a lot of mother’s are), you can drink a special tea called “Mother’s Milk” which you can find at your local Martin’s, Kroger, or other grocery store. The tea is suppose to increase your milk supply. You don’t need to be too anxious, however, as it might not feel like milk is coming out for quite a while after your baby is born (even more than a month) even though it really is.

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Tip #10. Get as much sleep as possible in the first week

This is so important. When you have sufficient sleep, you will feel better, be able to take care of your baby better, make safer decisions for your baby, be much more relaxed, be able to enjoy the experience of taking care of a newborn more, and not turn into a green sleep-deprived monster! I recommend that every time your newborn takes a nap (they nap a lot)…that you do also. I realize this isn’t always possible, especially if you have other children but you can try to do the best you can do with what you have to work with. When momma sleeps, it makes the environment in the home with the rest of the family much better also because momma is not a total ball of stress. Sleep = important.

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Tip #11. When they cry, feed them!

A lot of moms say, “oh the baby’s crying because it’s diaper is dirty” or “they are crying because they are tired” but, in my own personal experience, it seemed that about 90% of the time my baby was crying was because it wanted to eat! This solved the problem almost every time. When it doubt, feed the baby. Newborns usually go on a cycle. The cycle usually goes like this: baby breastfeeds, baby sleeps 1-2 hours, baby wakes up (now is a good time to change the diaper), baby breastfeeds, baby sleeps 1-2 hours, baby wakes up…and so on. Pretty simple!

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Tip #12. Put the baby in the crib as soon as they fall asleep

I noticed that, if I put the baby in the crib as soon as they fell asleep, instead of waiting until they had been sleeping on my lap for 20 minutes, that they would stay asleep better once I put them in the crib. If I waited until the baby had slept on my lap a while and then tried to move them into the crib they usually would wake up again…causing me to have to start the breastfeeding process all over again. So, as soon as the baby falls asleep you can try putting them in the crib. I had much better results this way in keeping the baby asleep which allowed me to catch up on my sleep as well!

I hope these tips helped you in some way! If you have your own tips, please list them below!

-Jessie =)

Hey all! Happy January to you. I wanted to share some tidbits of our Christmas 2017 with you. We were so excited about getting our very first family Christmas tree this year. We found a great deal on a (fake) tree, picked up some ornaments, and made family memories putting ornaments on the tree while enjoying Christmas music, egg nog, and cookies! Looking forward to maybe having a real tree next year!

We also, as you can see from the pictures below, painted our living room mantle which I absolutely love! It was plain brick and we decided to give this Painted Fireplace Makeover suggestion from Lowes a try. Although the colors came out different than expected, we really like the results! It gives our living room a much lighter feel. Now onto the next step…painting the walls!

We are remodeling our entire house which has been stressful but much needed! I will probably be sharing with you some of our remodeling photos as they are completed. We are almost finished with our kitchen remodel which includes new flooring, fresh paint on the cabinets, updated light fixtures, appliances, and a stove backsplash. (before and after kitchen photos hopefully coming soon!)

Hope your Christmas was a good one!

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Is Your Boyfriend Filled With Lust or love? 25 Red flags to help you know looking checking out other women

You might be dating a fellow you really like/love or are even already engaged but you really want to know for sure…is he filled with lust or love? Will my relationship last? Will he be faithful after marriage? I’ve wondered these same questions myself as a single woman and they are perfectly normal and healthy questions that need to be addressed if you plan on making a wise and informed decision about marrying the one you are with. In fact, if these questions go ignored or shrugged off as unimportant, it could cost you (and even your future children) dearly. The decision of who to marry is an extremely important decision and should be prayerfully considered with extreme carefulness and caution.

One of the quickest ways to take a wrecking ball to a relationship is for a partner to be unfaithful. This is because it is extremely painful and hurtful for the partner who was cheated on. You can compare it to being stabbed in the back and some marriages never recover without God’s intervention. Even if the unfaithfulness is on a small scale level (such as a husband who constantly flirts with other women) this can still be severely painful for a wife and she could have to fight bitterness, resentment, and hatred on a regular basis. God expects absolute purity within the marriage relationship….purity in our thoughts, actions, and hearts. Of course, you can imagine what unfaithfulness in marriage could do to a family. Not only does the pain effect the one who was cheated on, but also can easily effect the children as they witness the bickering, fighting, disrespect, and awful display of sin going on before their eyes. It is extremely painful, unhealthy, and sad for a child to know that their mom and dad don’t get along, don’t love each other, or don’t have each other’s best interest in mind. For those of you who grew up in a divorced home, you know this pain. Many children have turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the pain their parents have caused. You can keep in mind that who you choose as a husband will also be a father to your children, if you have children, and any example he might set for your children spiritually is vitally important. Children look up to their parents and if your boyfriend is currently prone to walking in sexual sin, you might want to think about what that would look like later in marriage when he is a father and what kind of example that will set for your children. Here are 25 red flags that could possibly reveal a man who has a problem with sexual sin.

Red Flag #1. You see him checking out other girls when he’s with you.

This one is obvious. If you see him looking at other women and still think you are his “one and only” you’re in for a rude awakening. Today’s society works very hard to convince us that for an unmarried (or even married) man to look at another women in lust is “innocent” and “harmless.” We don’t have to dig far into the Bible to know that this is far from true. Jesus said that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery already in his heart. If you’re boyfriend is willing to commit adultery as your boyfriend, how much more committed do you think he will be as your husband? If he isn’t faithful in the small stuff you can bet that he likely won’t be faithful in the big stuff either. If he is willing to be unfaithful in his heart then he has already broken the marriage covenant from the start.

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28

Red Flag #2. He doesn’t keep his obligations to you.

Here’s a guy who sent you sweet emails about possibly meeting up on Friday night….but when Friday night rolls around he suddenly is off the radar. He had “something else” to do or just plain “forgot” or got “busy.” Don’t be fooled. A guy who genuinely loves you will likely not put you on the back burner like this and, quite frankly, his behavior is pretty fishy.

Red Flag #3. He isn’t honest or truthful. (including white lies)

This is when you sense he is blurring the truth, coming up with excuses, or hiding things behind your back. He has a smooth answer for everything, but it’s a little too smooth. When you confront him about things he lies to you. Or, perhaps he has lied in the past. Either way, a man who is willing to lie to try and cover himself or his sin isn’t doing anybody any favors.

Red Flag #4. He isn’t open and doesn’t share information.

This is the guy who never shares details with you. In a normal, healthy, and functioning relationship a man and woman should always share with each other the details of what they did and what happened while they were apart from each other. If he withholds information or is very vague, beware.

Red Flag #5. He doesn’t honor you in front of others.

When you walk into a room at an event or in public does he hold your hand? Does he walk into the room like he owns a prize? Does he introduce you to others with pride? Do you feel that he values you as something special and a gift from God? If these feelings are missing you might want to pray about what this means for you. A husband should cherish his wife and if he cannot do that even as your boyfriend, how will that look for you in marriage?

“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:” – Ephesians 5:28-29

Red Flag #6. He has another close girl friend or multiple close friends that are girls.

Having close girlfriends that you talk to on a personal level besides the one you are dating is simply a bad idea. Not only is it a bad idea, but it sets a precedent for marriage. This is a big no-no. If you see this going on with your boyfriend, you certainly have a right to be upset. (I also talk about this in my list of ways to stay spiritually pure)

Red Flag #7. He spends time alone with other girls.

I talk about this in my other article about affair proofing your marriage. If this is definitely inappropriate behavior while married and it probably isn’t a good idea while dating either. After all, this is the behavior trend he is setting for his future wife and if he is already breeching the boundaries with other girls now then you can realize he isn’t taking faithfulness very seriously.

Red Flag #8. He’s perfectly fine with spending time/going places without you and does it fairly often.

This is a biggy. Any guy who genuinely cares for you and loves you is simply going to want you around, especially if he has any hopes of marrying you one day. You would think that would be a good recipe for a married couple too, right? I’m not saying that you have to do everything together, but if he seems apathetic about wanting you to be with him on a regular basis you can get the memo. He doesn’t care that much about you. Perhaps, he’s entertained the idea of some other women too. In a healthy, thriving relationship, both partners (especially during the dating stage) should have a desire to be around each other on a regular basis. This means each partner is asking each other to “go along” where they go, even for routine outings.

Red Flag #9. He goes for random periods of time with very little or no communication.

There is no good reason for this. A guy who disappears off the radar for a while only to pop back up again is most likely up to no good. Sometimes a guy like this will find a different “subject of interest” (another woman) for a while and you will simply go on the back burner while he pursues and entertains the idea of this other person by email, phone, or otherwise. Then, suddenly if things don’t work out between himself and the new “crush,” he remembers you and returns.

Red Flag #10. You have this “gut” feeling down inside you that he won’t be faithful.

My opinion is that the very best advice you can listen to is your “gut” feeling about how this man will operate after marriage. If you are a Christian, your “gut” feeling could very well be the Holy Spirit trying to get your attention and warn you. Please pay attention!

Red Flag #11. He doesn’t seem that worried when you spend time without him.

Well, this one is simple. If he isn’t that worried then he isn’t that worried…about you (that’s right, you heard me right) or his relationship with you. He doesn’t feel he has anything to lose. Makes you feel special, right? Sometimes us women can try to “justify” what he feels by telling ourselves “oh, that isn’t true…he really loves me” even when all of the facts are staring us straight in the face.

Red Flag #12. He lets other women touch him or he touches them.

There is absolutely no good reason for a man who is desiring to follow God and do what is right to let women hug him chest to chest, brush their hands on his shoulders, hug him from behind, hold his hand, or do anything else that requires physical contact besides possibly shaking hands or occasionally bumping into them on accident while playing sports. A man who lets other women touch him physically like this or even touches women physically is obviously not setting any good boundaries and has not demonstrated any desire to do so.

Red Flag #13. He looks like he “overly” enjoys talking to other pretty women.

If you find yourself a little disgusted at your boyfriend when you witness him being overly excited when talking to a pretty woman, then you might want to take into consideration that your gut feeling might be right: he is operating in lust.

Red Flag #14. He doesn’t display any physical or emotional boundaries.

A man seeking to walk in purity will keep physical and emotional boundaries. If your guy is demonstrating emotional boundaries with women he will not discuss personal matters with other them (other than maybe his mom) and he will not try to meet the emotional needs of other women. I discuss some ways that men can inappropriately meet another women’s emotional needs in my article on how to affair proof your marriage. If a man has good physical boundaries he will keep his hands to himself, not stand too close to a woman or in her “bubble,” and not allow other women to touch him in inappropriate ways (hand brushing, chest-to-chest hugs, etc.).

Red Flag #15. You mostly only get attention from him if you look good. 

In this case you can tell that the relationship’s emphasis is more about looks instead of your relationship with each other. Here, the emotional intimacy is lacking and the focus is on the physical. Although guys tend to be very interested in women because of their looks (which is normal), this situation is a little too unbalanced. You might sense that your personality is not the main reason he likes you whereas in a healthy relationship each partner should be interested in both looks and personality.

Red Flag #16. He doesn’t seem that devoted to God.

Doesn’t read the Bible? Doesn’t seem interested in talking about God stuff? If you have a guy who isn’t that devoted to God then he won’t be that devoted to doing what is right either. God’s commandments help us stay away from evil, sin, and the consequences they cause. If your guy loves God, he’s going to want to obey Him. That’s a good thing. If he doesn’t appear to love God or His Word, this might be something you want to consider because it’s the most important thing on this list.

Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.” – John 14:23

Red Flag #17. He doesn’t avoid temptation or flee evil.

Does he stay away from places of temptation? Perhaps he still goes to the store where is ex works? Maybe when he sees a seductive female he doesn’t try to avoid the situation? A man sincerely trying to follow God and stay pure will do what it takes to escape the possibility of sin, even if it’s inconvenient. Take note.

Red Flag #18. He has a history or cheating or unfaithfulness.

This is pretty obvious but I think a lot of women write this off. “Oh, he’s different now.” My advice is to not shrug it off but to carefully consider this as perhaps an indicator of a problem, habit, or sin that he might still be enslaved to. He may or may not have not taken care of his sin, especially if it was a problem in the past.

Red Flag #19. You find “stuff” in his email or on his computer.

For all women engaged to be married I suggest doing this…..one day when he is unsuspecting (do not under any circumstances give him a hint that you will do this) ask him out of the blue if you can read his email. (I do not care how nice you think he is, how good of Christian you think he is, and how much you trust him…this is so important!) It will be awkward, yes, but it is a test of his character. It could possibly reveal who he is in the dark places that you do not see. If he responds that he doesn’t want you to look his email then this isn’t a good sign. If he let’s you look and you find nothing, good! If you look and you find hundreds of emails written to other women online….you might have just uncovered the dirt under the carpet. Good thing you asked, right?! It was worth the pain of feeling awkward!

Red Flag #20. He’s a flirt.

If your guy tends to flirt with other women, know that this is a blatant act of unfaithfulness. It’s inappropriate behavior, that’s it period.

Red Flag #21. He doesn’t seem to value purity, faithfulness, or family as much as you do. 

Do you get the feeling that you value purity and faithfulness more than him? Do you seem to be more into having a family and making it work more than he does? Please don’t ignore your gut feelings. If you choose to marry a man like this, then don’t be surprised when his actions line up with what he does and doesn’t value.

Red Flag #22. You just don’t feel like he’s all that “into” you. 

This is never the best feeling and, girl, I’ve been there. You just get an overall sense that you are not the only girl in the world to him. My question is, do you really want to marry a guy who’s really not all that enthused about you and doesn’t think you are all that much more special than any other woman? There is only ONE you and you are special in God’s eyes.

Red Flag #23. Or, on the contrary, he seems a little obsessed with you.

This type of guy meets you and thinks you are the greatest thing in world from the get-go. He is overly obsessed with you and perhaps wants to spend loads of time and money on you. But, does he really think you are the greatest thing in the world or only the idea of you? One great way to reveal this character is time. After time and once he gets to know you, he might find that the idea of you didn’t really line up with who you really are. This is when you suddenly will not be the center of the universe to him. In fact, this type of guy might even drop you like a hotcake! Not cool, right? You could find yourself crying “but…but…I thought you loved me!!!”

Red Flag #24. He doesn’t spend much money on you. 

This isn’t always an indicator that a guy doesn’t value you, however, I think it is to some extent in certain cases. If your guy can’t ever find a $20 bill to scrounge up and take you to dinner while you are dating or do something…anything nice for you, realize that this could actually be an indicator of how much he really values you. Like I said, not always (some guys are just simply tight with their money), but in some cases, yes.

Red Flag #25. He doesn’t turn his eyes away when he sees temptation.

How much does he want to do what is right? What does he do when you are both in Walmart and some girl walks down the isle wearing almost nothing? Does he look away or stare straight on? Or does he try to sneak a look? What about when you both are walking in the mall and you pass Victoria’s Secret? Does he try to steal a glance at the posters? What about when he browses the news on his computer and sees a pop star dressed in a scantily clad outfit? Does he keep on scrolling? Or does he click off the page? I’m not telling you to spy on him or be suspicious (because these would also be wrong for you to do) but if you happen to notice these things happening from time to time, you might want to take note. This can be a really good indicator of where this guy is at spiritually. Do you really want a husband who isn’t willing to look away? Do you want this type of father for your children? A guy who’s faithful will be faithful, even with the small stuff.

So, there are my 25 red flags. I hope they help you make an informed decision. Certainly, trying to find a man who you can trust to have your back is rare in today’s society but possible with God’s help. The key to knowing who to marry is in prayer and listening for God’s answer. Of course, if your guy has any of these red flags I am by no means telling you not to marry him. My advice is to do what God says no matter what that might be. If God gives you the go-ahead, that’s all you need. But know that marriage is a very, even extremely, important decision and choosing to marry a man that has serious spiritual issues with sexual sin can be a blaring road sign for “hard times ahead.”

 

We are selling Christmas goodies this year in jars to local residents in the Shenandoah Valley. You can place your order below. These make great company gifts! We are giving a discount: for orders over 10 the price is $9/jar and orders over 25 will receive $8/jar. Jars will be delivered on or before December 15th, 2017.

Christmas Jar Mixes-2419

Christmas Jar Mixes-2429

Three Kings Hot Cocoa




 

Christmas Jar Mixes-2426

Snowflake Sprinkle Cookies



Christmas Jar Mixes-2432

Cranberry White Chocolate
Chip Cookies